Well.   How things change in a few months.

I am no longer His.  I am quite sure I will look back and realise I was crazy for walking away.

Is it possible to change my name on here as I feel being "his _ abi" is kinda a lie.

Oh well.

I have a date Saturday.  Should be someowhat entertainging seeing as how my heart is not really in things right now.

So how have y'all been?  I will try to catch up on your journals over the next day or three.  Sorry I went AWOL.  It had to be done.

Abi x

I know I told you I was heading to bed but the Super Bowl is on.  I may be in England now but I just CANNOT not watch this.  

Go Colts Go !!!!!

My minor claim to minor fame is I went the same school as Peyton.

Oh. My. God.  I am so incredibly bored.

I have cleaned the house from top to bottom (with no f%#$^&g help from the cat).  
See ......

I went for my instructed walk.  Thank God I have no pictures of that huh?  Wierd thing is that when I was walking Sir was with me even though he wasn't.  I don't know if it's because he is always a constant in my thoughts.  Sometimes right at the front and sometimes lurking in the background but a constant none the less.  Or maybe I felt him with me so strongly because I was taking a walk because he had TOLD me to.  What do you think?  Does this ever happen to you?

Then when I got back I took a shower.  I thank the Gods above for the invention of the 'power shower'.  I did some reading (not in the shower duh) and also did some writing on my book which I am under huge pressure on (more on that another time).

I have posted on another journal that I keep, I have caught up on my emails, I have done some of my real work and I have now opened a bottle of wine.

Which now gets me to the sentence at the begining of this ramble.  I am bored.

I can't see Sir this week as it's his week with his daughter.  We are not at a place yet where I am ready to meet her.  She is 12 years old and that is such a vulnerable age for a young girl to see her dad with someone.  When I meet her I want it to be when Sir and I are 100% secure in us and what the future holds for us.  Now, please, don't get me wrong.  I am 100% sure of wanting Sir to be my everything but if life has taught me nothing it has taught me that nothing (and I mean nothing) comes easy.  I get attached to children very quickly and this can only be compounded by the fact that my son has chosen to have some 'dad time' and is living 5,000 miles away from me in the States.  I remember only too well watching the pain on my son's face every time his dad either moved someone new in or married the next ex-wife (he is on wife number 5 now ... I was number 1).  I remember my son asking me if it was ok to just 'treat people like the recycling' and he was only 8 when he asked me that!  So with that said I hope you can understand my need to make sure our foundation is solid before bringing myself into his daughters life.

Fuck.  Where did that speech come from?  All I meant to say was why I am home alone with a bottle of wine.  God, I miss him.  It's just a week afterall.  My heart goes out to each and every one of you that has to wait so much more than a week to see your Masters but please don't dismiss how I hate the alternate week of not feeling his touch or seeing his smile.  Incidentally, can I just say that I have so, so much admiration and pride for Sir in the fact that he is such a part of his daughters life.  It would have be oh so easy for him to just be the weekend dad or even the no active dad at all but oh no, he has had joint physical custody since the day of the divorce many years ago.  *applause* to you Sir.

So.  Here I am 10.30 on a saturday night bugging the hell outta y'all.  Notting Hill is on in the background.  Do you wanna know why I think Julia Roberts is beautiful?  Because she is normal looking.  Not all Hollywood.  I coould imagine knowing someone who looks like her.  Does that make sense?

I found (and added to my links) the Sensual Service site and found in the journal prompts this:

"If you had the choice to leave the SM part of your relationship behind, could you?"

No, not at all.  I had wondered if I could leave it behind if I met a man who fulfilled me in every other way but I honestly couldn't.  For me happiness is like a jigsaw puzzle.  All the pieces have to fit to make the whole.  I could no more give up the masochist side of me than I could give up breathing.

One last funny thing.  Sir requires that when in his house I have nothing on my feet.  Also I feel most secure when I am at his feet.  When I at my house I always have socks on and always sit on the couch (or at the desk).  Tonight I am barefoot and sitting on the floor with the laptop on the coffee table.  He has not told me to do this.  I just needed to.

Ok, going to get another glass of wine.